Our outer selves believe that all we want in life is money and a good job… our inner selves though want just a little love. It’s true, don’t deny it!
Earlier today I was surfing through old Hindi songs from the 50’s and 60’s. What I love the most about old cinema is the simplicity in the cinematography, yet the dialogue and stories are so strong and powerful. I am not saying filmmakers today though do not make good films, I think today they are extraordinary and have their own flavor.
When I talk to people though, who sometimes believe they have me “all figured out” they believe that I am the kind of person who wants to have the ‘Big Fat Bollywood Wedding’ when in reality, I find it more beautiful to just elope (I wouldn’t really do that)… but in all seriousness, I am a very simple person. I could care less about designer clothes, a nice car or a huge house. People see me as this ‘Bollywood Freak’ but if you notice, I don’t really care about the glam and how much money a film makes, but more so the quality.
So where on earth am I going with this?!
I will be upfront to all, I am a very single person and my mom has never brought up that talk “you need to be married at this age.” Thank God! And also to clarify, I am not sad that I am a single girl at the age of only 20. I have a million things I want to do in my life, and being in a relationship is of course on that list, but much later on in life.
Coming to my point though, What is Love? What is Life? What is Happiness? Let me ask you one question; do you love yourself and who you are right now in this moment at all? (Think for a moment).
If you said yes right away then good for you! If you are still thinking and unsure, then you don’t understand the meaning of love. How can one simply love someone else if they don’t love themselves? One cannot find happiness or love in someone else, it is not the way of life.
I am going to now tell you a little secret of my life…
I used to not care for myself much, this was in maybe High School. I wore sweatpants and a t-shirt to school, to the mall, to the grocery store, to sleep and repeat. I never cared about what I looked like, at the most I’d do my hair. Then I noticed, the only time I was looking good was when it was a special occasion, but when I put the pretty clothes on my body I felt like I was masking myself in these glam outfits everyone found beautiful on me. I also used to pretend I lived in a film, that only made life worse because I wasn’t the heroine of the film, everyone else was and I was just the loser people made fun of and judged.
I started to eliminate people from my life, I began to talk to just one or two people. I reconnected with old childhood friends and also found a few new friends, and kept the ones that matter. By the end of Senior Year of High School, I started to feel like a whole new person. One day, I opened my closet and took all the t-shirts and sweatpants and put them in a drawer which I hardly reach into. Then my closet looked empty, so I went and bought new clothes alone, that time I spent the most number of hours in stores, (I don’t like spending to much time to shop but this was crucial) and tried on every kind of look, whether it was a cute little black dress or booty shorts or a new pair of jeans. I changed myself appearance wise and started to actually look in the mirror at myself.
Once I began college, I decided to be a whole new person. All my close friends who are all guys and a few girlfriends who all were in different places. This was my time to spend time with myself and understand who I really am.
I went through a roller-coaster throughout my life. But what have I learnt…
I learnt that if you treat yourself, then you feel good about you and bounce that vibe to others around you. I learnt that other people making fun of you of what you are should only make you stronger. I have learnt that being friends with guys is a lot less stressful AND I have also witnessed guys be as girly as girls are in their own little way! I have learnt that having less of everything is better, because too much of anything can make you sick (except for films…one can never have too many films in their life)! I have learnt that without failure, one will never learn, and boy have I failed at least ten times in my life and fallen too.
I mentioned in a few posts ago that I was reading the book, The Secret which I finished last week. After I read the book, which is about ‘the secret to life’ and ‘law of attraction,’ I realized that I have already applied “the secret” to my life almost 3 years back and I am just developing more of this concept in my life more and more each day.
Love, Life and Happiness, come hand-in-hand. If you do you, love you and just be you then you will enjoy life. If you don’t do any one of those things then there is no way you will enjoy life or even love a tiny part of it and not even be a bit happy either.
Lastly, as always I must end everything with a song. My obsession for the film of Highway will never fade away and the kind of person I feel like today is like the character, Veera from this film. She finds herself from within in an extraordinary journey… enjoy!
Keep on wandering, and never be lost…
- A New Girl in a City –