In times of happiness, I begin to feel isolated from the rest of the world. Sometimes I become afraid of life when things start going too perfect…
A week prior to my dads passing on June 9, 2003, my mom and I were shopping at our local mall about ten minutes away from home. My cousin who had recently gotten married at the time was coming to our home with her husband, my aunt, uncle and other family members were all coming to see us and my dad. We were unable to make it to her wedding, in fact that last year we were unable to make all the various occasions as my dad was at home on a bed for a whole year. My mom and I were making huge preparations for everyone to come for the summer, they were all planning to stay with us for a week or two, it was supposed to be one of the best family get together’s and as an 8 year old, I was only building up my excitement more and more as the date got closer.
We were buying father’s day gifts, making menus for every day for breakfast, lunch and dinner, things we would do as a family at home with my dad and I started dreaming on a whole other scale… in my mind I thought if my dad saw the whole family together, he would be able to talk again, he would be able to sit up and give me a hug, he would be able to walk. But this was all dreams I kept in my mind and hoped for it all to happen. Everyone was supposed to come to our house on the 10th of June and life couldn’t even wait a single day for him to see everyone, one last time.
So now when everything seems to be going perfectly fine, I have to hold myself together and hope less and not build an immense amount of excitement, because life is harsh on us. Life simply sweeps people out of your life and you don’t even realize how quickly everything can just change.