I am that kind of person who consumes an immense amount of my feelings in me and cover most of it with laughs and smiles. It’s not a healthy way for ones self but I feel if I constantly dwell on these sad moments of my past then I’ll never be able to move forward.
Every year when this time of the month hits, I get random flashbacks of how it all happened. I would say that I am still sane, standing and feel at peace because of the people that stood by my side along with my mom and brother’s side through our toughest of times. Not just the week my dad passed away but those 13 years he fought against Brain Cancer. Today after ten years, I hear people surviving cancer because every day in this world there are people who are finding ways to fix the illness. Sometimes I wish these people had found the cure earlier so that today I could look up to my dad and let him live the journey I have lived these ten years.
I always wonder how different my life would be if my dad would be here today. Would I be a different kind of person, would I be as independent as I am and would I have my hands in a million places? Then again, I get a majority of these traits from my outstanding indescribable mom. I think if my dad physically saw my mom and I working in action he would simply get tired of watching and my brother and dad would do something more interesting and exciting together like watching Tom & Jerry and eating a bowl of cereal or cookies and milk… so I guess life wouldn’t be too different. The only difference would be that we would be a perfect family of four and maybe our annoying, cute little Black Lab Puppy, Nalah, would also be part of the four.
I have seen a lot of friends lose the elderly’s in their family, such as grandparents. When an older person in the family passes away, they say we shouldn’t show grief but show a way of celebrating that persons life. I guess to a certain extent when people get old, they have lived generations of life, seen many generations of life and have done their part to give their 100% towards life. Some never know if they should show sadness or show happiness at the time of someones passing… when a grandparent passes from the family, it is a way of celebrating how they have left a mark on those peoples lives they have touched.
When a person who had only seen 43 years of their life, 8 years of their daughters life, 11 years of their sons life and only spent about 16 years of a beautiful marriage with their loved one… then its a moment of sadness or I would say, Unfairness.
A lot of people would tell me; your dad is watching over you, stay strong, everything is going to be okay one day. As true as these words are, it is still a matter of unfairness in my eyes regardless of how strong I will always be or my dad always watching over me and making things for the better in my life… sometimes life is just unfair, you one must just face those facts.
I always tell myself,
“It’s a tough life we’re all in. And I am one person in this world who will never give up to fight against this battle called life.”